Friday, November 25, 2011

The Evil Empire

In an attempt to turn a bad experience in to something good I decided to formulate a cocktail to mark my run in with Australia's own evil empire - Telstra. So last night behind the bar I whipped up - as I often do - a cocktail or two lubricate the busy service for Porteno's head honchos.

My beloved Branca seems to have sinister intentions for planet Earth
Only two of my favourite ingredients behind the bar, rye whiskey and Fernet Branca, could possibly sweeten the appalling service and down right ineptitude of Australia's premier telecommunications company. And looking at that bottle of Fernet in my hand I knew I had made a righteous choice - that eagle of theirs seems intent on world domination sweeping away all obstacles in it's path with a dark tide of saffron tinged amaro.

Inspiration for this tipple I'm about to share with you came from the Sputnik Cocktail - an unusual blend of vodka, lemon juice and Fernet. Rittenhouse 100 proof rye whiskey - a favourite of mine from the American empire - was but an obvious improvement and I did just add a little vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg syrup to less the Fernet's bitter, pepperminty blow. Here's how:

The Evil Empire
60ml Rittenhouse 100 Proof Rye whiskey
20ml lemon juice
10ml Fernet Branca
5ml Vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg syrup

Start by offering your customer something you have not intention of giving them. Over promise, under deliver, fiercely maintain your monopoly on the country's phone lines and snigger when customers are left no option but to wait two weeks for another technician or sign up to your evil empire. Garnish with contempt for the people paying you good money to stay in a job. Enjoy.

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